This series of photographs is part of my documenting project and was taken in 2024 when I returned to my family’s hometown Xingtai city, Hebei, China, one of the least developed regions in the country. While China's registration policy assigns my region of residence to 'Hebei,' but I was actually born and raised in 'Beijing.' This strong sense of regional division complicates my identity, making me feel disconnected from both places. Here is where my families originally from, and it remains a true 'home' to me. Since I left for Japan in 2019 to continue my studies, the pandemic made me impossible to return home for years, leading to an ambiguous sense of belonging. During a phone call, my grandmother said, "I wonder if I'll still be here when you come back next time." Her words, as well seeing her ageing day by day, made me have a strong desire to document their daily lives.
During this trip, I recorded meaningful scenes that are difficult to see in big cities: my grandmother cooking with firewood, a neighbor’s funeral during Chinese New Year, and the sight of abandoned houses, young people are leaving for big cities. Having dogs in every family is common in countryside of China. I saw the new dog that my grandmother adopted which is not the one I know. She told me there were many dog thieves in the countryside and the dog that my grandmother had for many years was stolen. This problem remains unresolved to this day. Yet, amidst the sorrow, there were signs of happiness, like my grandmother's new dog, now grown and with its own puppies, symbolizing the continuity of life. In the past few years since I left, I have a feeling that everything seems to have changed, and nothing seems to have changed. Compared to the fast-developing city, the changes in my hometown are negligible. My grandmother still has the same personality and temperament as I remember, but the passage of time has eventually carved its mark on her face. Her legs and feet are not as strong as they used to be, nevertheless, I have no power to stop the passage of time. The only thing I can do is to pick up my camera and record as much as I can as a documentarian. About what's happening in my own hometown, my roots. Through this project, I hope to evoke a sense of reflection on life, death and the passage of time, which is my connection to my roots, a process of going back to my origins to explore myself.
I took a lot of videos and photos during this trip, but if I must choose my favorite one from all of them, compared to the funeral, the crumbling house, the wrinkled skin on my grandmother's face, and the negative scenes of despair, I was pleasantly surprised by this one: "Chinese New Year, Cattle and Staring". Chinese New Year, Cattle and Staring’ surprised me. It was a photo I took by accident. The camera's battery died when I was shooting with the electronic shutter and it stocked, so I had to flip the double exposure button to pass the film and shoot with the mechanical shutter at the same time. With a picture that should only be able to take one exposure, this accident allowed me to take many shots of my hometown and to superimpose so many memories of my hometown into one photo in a marvelous and magical way in the end. I photographed spring festivals, the landscape of my hometown, cattle, and so on. In my hometown, cattle are regarded as spiritual beings, like mothers and elders to a family and important companions as well. When I looked at them, I felt the essence of family for a moment. Although this photo doesn't have a visual representation of my family's faces, I was still able to experience the festive mood of my family through it.
It's full of hustle and bustle and cheer. This is the best picture for me.
